


Sandman, Bring Us a Dream

by MidnightRavenFromTheClock



Series: 3B Is Killing Me [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec has regrets, Angst, Asmodeus Is a Manipulative Bastard, Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Hurt, M/M, This Is Sad, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, i hate him, kinda comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 16:57:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18503164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightRavenFromTheClock/pseuds/MidnightRavenFromTheClock
Summary: “I would’ve said yes.” Magnus said, voice soft.Sad.Alec frowned. “But you would’ve never been happy.”“I-” Magnus cut off, but Alec heard the‘I would have’that he couldn’t say. “I guess we’ll never find out.”





	Sandman, Bring Us a Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Shadowhunters ripped my heart out, threw it to the floor and stomped it on their way out. This is me expressing my suffering.

Harsh light made Alec groan and rub his eyes - morning had come too early. Only Alec quickly realized that it actually hadn’t, it was the full moon shining brighter than Alec had ever seen it and illuminating his room. He wished he’d bothered to close the blinds before falling to bed with a wish to Raziel for a deep, painless sleep. Now he suffered the consequences, rubbing his eyes and thinking how even restless sleep would have been welcome tonight.

“Can’t sleep?”

Alec breathed in and released the breath before allowing himself to respond. “It’s been a difficult day.”

Behind him, Magnus chuckled. “Halloween can be like a magnet for demons. They _love_ feeding on the clueless mundanes roaming the streets.” He traced a hand over Alec’s tense back. “They’re lucky to have you looking after them.”

Alec closed his eyes, leaning into the touch even as he shook his head in denial. “You give me too much credit.”

“Nonsense, you are the most selfless person I know.” He rubbed Alec’s tense muscles. “You really _are_ worked up, aren’t you?”

Alec hummed. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing if it bothers you. Alexander, look at me.”

“I don’t want to move.”

“Why? Afraid I’ll disappear?” Magnus joked.

But Alec tensed under Magnus’s careful touch. “Please don’t.”

“ _What_? Why would you even ask that?” He nudged Alec’s shoulder, trying and failing to turn him over. “ _Hey_ , tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m fine,” Alec replied, voice constricting in a way that made the words came out breathlessly. “now that you’re here.” He blindly reached behind, searching for Magnus’s hand and squeezing it tightly. “Just promise me you’ll stay.”

“I-” Magnus paused, Alec could imagine the worried crease in his brows and had to fight the urge to turn around and smooth it. “ _Alec.”_ He whispered, and Alec felt him shifting, so that Magnus’s chest pressed against his back, bringing their joined hands to Alec’s front.

“I was going to propose.” Alec whispered, the secret slipping out before it could suffocate him. He heard Magnus gasp and waited with his own breath held tight.

When Magnus finally spoke, his voice had a shakiness that hadn’t been there before. “I wish you had.”

“Me too.”

“I would’ve said yes.” Magnus said, voice soft. _Sad_.

Alec frowned. “But you would’ve never been happy.”

“I-” Magnus cut off, but Alec heard the ‘ _I would have_ ’ that he couldn’t say. “I guess we’ll never find out.”

Alec winced, the words cutting deeper than he could have imagined. “Please,” He gasped. “ _please stay_.”

“ _Why_?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. You have to know I never could’ve meant that.” Alec said desperately.

“…I don’t know that.” Magnus finally said after a pause, his voice too resigned and Alec panicked.

“No, no, I didn’t. Please, you have to believe me. I-”

“Some things can’t be undone.” Magnus whispered, a meaning Alec could hear but not decipher.

“What? _Magnus_ -”

Magnus sighed, the hot breath falling against Alec’s back and making him gasp at the sensation. He pushed even closer and brought the hand that wasn’t holding Alec’s to brush against the nape of his hair. “ _Alexander_.” Magnus whispered, his voice curling around the name in a way that made Alec shiver. “Goodbye.”

“Magnus.” Alec gasped and turned over.

Alec was alone. He panted, breaths coming quick and harsh in the silent room, as the panic and sorrow wrapped around his heart like a stuffy blanket.

_Breathe in, breathe out_. Alec wiped his eyes and curled around the pillow. Closing his eyes, he wished for a dream better than an empty bed.

* * *

Across town Magnus opened his eyes, staring at the part of East River he could see from the bench.

A figure shifted in the darkness beside him and a hand laid down on his shoulder.

“It’s time.”

Magnus played with the keys in his pocket – the only possession he had after fleeing the bookstore. He supposed Maryse would miss them. “Okay.”

The hand squeezed. “Let’s go home, son.”


End file.
